Meaning of live

went back to grandmother's place yesterday
apart from visiting my 婆婆
it was also to visit 婆婆's 弟弟 （舅公) who had a mild stroke
it was very lucky as 舅公 himself realised early
(he detected the symptoms early where he actually went to the hospital but the doctor couldn't 'tell' that it was stroke *faint...doctor?!*...he was forced to go home and next morning, his mouth went crooked and so it was quite obvious then and he was admitted for real stroke this time)

in 舅公 and 婆婆's places (they both have Astro channels)
apart from talking about health it was about Si Chuan's earthquake
there was a live telecast from TVB where all singers were gathered
and donations poured in

there many scenes reflecting back to the earthquake which I have not seen before on our national TV channels
and those scenes made me almost uncontrollably teary
some that I couldn't bear but to look away
but it is totally heart-breaking
especially seeing children's bodies lying all over
and later listening to my mum, uncle, aunt relating on all the stories of how parents sacrified to protect their child / baby
teachers protecting students
(not so much of these in English newspaper)
these are not the worst scenes I saw I am sure
but enough to turn my mood
I thought so much in the night...
what does it mean to be living?
what does it mean to live a meaningful life?
I felt so helpless seeing all those people on TV
how can I help at all? (when I do not have the money to donate?!)

I really hope I keep this thing in my head...and the fire in me burning
I told me 细舅母...my (slightest) intention to join a charity organization (ahem, I am now thinking of full time)
very glad she's supportive (when my mum herself is not)
*have always wanted to join one, and the 'fire' is really huge this time*
let's see how it goes... *pray that the fire remains burning in me*