In a miserable mood again...all my own fault for expecting too much, always the case when I send in any job application with some expectation (which in fact was high expectation that I dont realize myself)...I wrote again the other day to LRQA (Lloyds Register Quality Assurance) to follow up on my application a few months earlier...the Asia division Resourcing and Staffing Development Manager was really kind in replying despite on holiday...however, I've already sensed that it will be bad news...why, because in his first reply, he said he would get back to me in(just) a few days...earlier it took a while for him to have my CV assessed as he sent it to the different Asian branches, which he didnt reply as promise, hence my follow up
...however, yeah, expected somehow...reason: they needed 4 years working experience in a high risk food industry before considering one for the Food Safety Auditor position ...
...so yeah, somehow my barely two years experience was way below requirement...didn't help at all that I didnt even get my Malaysian Ministry of Health food safety trainer's license before I left Quantum in 2006 (didn't get into the right company that takes staffs as asset apparently)...gosh, I would have to go through the exam again when I get back, if I were to return to the same line, which I am quite sure I will...I really have the passion to train...
but the reply from LRQA was still really discouraging in a sense that I wouldn't want to go back to work in a factory to get the four years experience for consideration, sorry, no more QC job or that sort...thinking of it alone sends chill down my spine...I developed phobia for manufacturing line after my second job in a typical china-man company...the backstabbing from other departments like production, marketing, logistics, etc was just too much for me to handle...
...choice of job is certainly an issue...but equally as important is the salary...but it's a sorry news that the Malaysian food industry (dominated by SMI-small medium-sized companies) offers really low salary...and if you are unlucky you even get underpaid...which is most of the case unless you are in an international company...really wish I could have done dentistry or some other field that pays better...but then the debt I owe would probably increase as well...I remember checking on jobstreets.com where there's a survey of current salary range of the market...and for my line, a position of senior food technologist gets paid only RM3K over generally...and that really made me so worried...how could I even manage with RM3K in KL, this is really joking...house rent, food (not only for myself but the household), car, at least 5 accumulated old credit card bills, old study-bank loans, ...and I havent even counted in things like petrol for the car...tolls to run on the highways...(you will never escape any in KL on any normal day)...household bills..electricity and stuffs u know what I mean...all these which in M'sia (probably the case in many countries too) increases every few months...!!
so how would I even survive..a salary of RM5K would probably just merely cover (and maybe even not all the time)...if sis helps out as well...with her well paying salary...
I mean, Malaysia, and especially KL, is a hell of a place to live in with those ever increasing costs and prices...but salary wise it is quite stagnant really...my last salary was RM2250 (ah well, what's so secretive that it can't be disclosed, yes I am underpaid, so what?!)...I gave all my money to my father and let him manage, because I could never manage, I would've gone crazy if I try...and with this, and perhaps a few hundred from sis (she gives mum for groceries and foods, which I think is barely enough)...and the bills?...house rent RM650, car RM4XX...foods RM100 for about less than a week-(mum cooks, no eating out), interests of loans and minimum amount to pay, >RM1500...until here, it's already more than what I earn...father doesn't always get his salary...if you even consider him working, that is...and how does he settle all these with my salary? get credit cards...with my name! I have like what? 5 credit cards, if not mistaken...couldn't get more approved because the national card centre has probably blocked my name...father was tried to submit an application before I left home in 2006, I was more than glad it was rejected...you could imagine the amounts I have on credit cards alone...and no, we never manage to clear them... even the minimum payment could not be settled...I have no eye to see, father handles the calls from the credit card officers...I never answer the phone when it rings...sometimes they call my mobile I wouldn't answer also, and when I accidentally answered, it'll be passed to father as I could never answer their enquiries...father is the only person who could beg and beg and beg...to delay and delay and delay...and so the interest get more and more and more...
...and when the money from credit cards run out, he borrows from his friends...and sometimes relatives of his and mum's...his relatives hates him, they despise us...mum's relatives pity us, and when father borrows from them they try to hide from mum...because they love mum, but this cannot continue on...I would have to repay the money even if father borrows them...
my meagre salary normally last only 2 weeks for maximum...and you could imagine the remaining two weeks before I get another month of salary...once, father asked me to ask my boss if I could ask for advance payment...I never did asked...I think we argued...mum stood on myside of course...my skin is as thin as nothing...I still remember during college time, when father has no money for me to pay the tuition fees on time, how I had to beg for delay payment...I really hate it...I felt like rubbish...it was the same in uni...begging and begging despite the 60% fees-waiver scholarship that I was given...because father had to use the money borrowed from my study loans for some other more urgent matters...so fees had to be delayed...things were really messy back then...and now? only messier I could imagine....
...I could only pray miracle happens that I get a job in S'pore at least...really need the exchange rate, although not much but at least still something...and well, people have been scaring me with all sorts of stories about working in S'pore though...they could well intend to warn me and let me prepare myself mentally and emotionally...but I'm already developing the fear before going....
so well, I am already fearing all that would happen before I go back...and right now, I would 'enjoy' (dont know how much I could, but the holidays with Sze Ling would perhaps take up a bit of money, but mum said, go ahead...I guess life might be hell after this, so if I could still travel and see some countries, might as well do it now)
I dont really know what future holds...but mum and my aunties were really worried at one time that I would go bankrupt before the age of 30...friends were telling me I won't...they said that it's not so easy to go bankrupt anymore nowadays...I really hope father would do something about this...if I go bankrupt I dont know how I would react...I foresee a bright future in me (I'm not trying to be overconfident, I never was)...there are still many countries I want to step my feet onto...there are many dreams to realize, out of Malaysia...so I don't want to be 'jailed' in Malaysia...bad enough that father made himself and mum bankrupt....
...sigh, why do I blog about this rubbish...anyway, it's good to vent it out...
..it's just so funny how I could be totally positive at one time, and so negative another time like this...but I think it's my hormone fooling me again...
...I'd better go look at some job classifications...
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